I want to seem like I have it all together. All the time.
A home gleaming with Martha Stewart-esque perfection and creativity. Delicious, gourmet, organic meals direct from my kitchen every day. A workout routine that never slips from my daily schedule. Hair, skin, and clothes that always look put-together, fun, and chic. Spectacular performance at my full-time job, reaching record-breaking numbers of students every week. Daily quiet times in the Word that would make Mother Theresa jealous. Insanely brilliant writing/painting/dancing projects just pouring from my mind like an open faucet. And of course, the perfect marriage: minimal conflict + maximum oneness, intimacy, and fun.
But seriously, who wants to hang out with that girl?
It’s funny how we so treasure transparency in others, but we rarely like to be vulnerable enough to show it in ourselves.
So here’s some transparency for ya: up until about an hour ago, there were at least 4 loads of clean laundry stacked like the leaning tower of Piza on top of our drier, completely ignored and untouched for a week. Some nights I’m so worn out after work that my husband and I both just root through the fridge scavenger-style and fend for ourselves for dinner. I’ve barely made any headway at all on the choreography project I’ve been “working on” for a month. And on at least 2 occasions last week, the emotionally exhausting nature of my job drove me to tears.
I’ve always thought I was a very transparent person, but I learned otherwise after my visit to the hospital last week. My best friend was on her way to visit me from Alabama. We hadn’t seen each other face-to-face in a year and a half, and she hadn’t ever seen our new home, so I really wanted everything to be perfect. As myself and my husband were at the hospital all day, some of the clean-up just didn’t get done. I arrived home from the hospital just minutes before she was supposed to arrive. The husband was out picking up food and prescriptions for me, so I had the place to myself. The laundry we had planned to do was still on the kitchen floor, there were dishes in the sink, and of course, I looked a’mess.
So did I just let those trivial things go, realizing that this was my best friend coming to visit and that she didn’t care about all of that stuff??
Nope! Still feeling wretched, I did the dishes, the laundry, lit candles, arranged throw pillows, and put on lipstick and perfume at lightning speed before she walked in the door.
Seriously? There is something so completely wrong with this picture.
I just need to RELAX.
Sometimes, a few of the dozen balls I’m juggling get dropped. And guess what? It’s no big deal! The world will not stop spinning because I am not personally turning the handle to make it go ’round. God is oh-so-much bigger than I am, and He’s already got that covered.
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
So no, I don’t have it all together. And neither do you.
And that is A-OK with me.
Want to come over for a cup of coffee in my messy kitchen? I won’t even do the dishes before you show up!